the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
