i don't like sucking hair
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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