A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
