I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
