Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
