White coat. Heels.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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