I faked an abortion last night.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
