I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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