There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
