are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
