Having a random hookup so left but love u
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
where are you?
Hypothermia
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
