I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
