Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
