For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
