it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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