Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
