I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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