I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
