And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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