Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
