I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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