Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize