Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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