wrigley field is MILF paradise
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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