Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
