The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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