Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
