id be glad to
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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