I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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