There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
