Just cropdusted the office
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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