I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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