I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
