First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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