Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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