dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You smell like a Billy Joel song
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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