You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize