:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
