Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
