i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
either way he was missing a nipple.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
