wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
