No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
