if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
