I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
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