I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
