If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
