Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize