Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
