my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
