she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
