Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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