You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
And then my night got REAL pukey
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
These tits shall not be calmed
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize