Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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