Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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