Sacagawea was the original milf.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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