I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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