I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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