I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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