remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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