Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
