Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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