oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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