I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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