Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
