the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize