When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Also, beer. Big fan.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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