i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
