1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
