i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
