i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
