Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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