the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
