I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Your cock deserves a montage
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
