I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
