and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
