Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
