shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
