I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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