the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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