Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
