Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
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