My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
