i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
