i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize