If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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